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Floodgates

from It's Probably Benign by Dog Eared

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lyrics

I don’t know what I was thinking
I don’t know what you’d been drinking
You were sending cryptic texts when I took the last train home
I spent that whole journey sweating
Remembering what I was forgetting
But my memory went blank and anxiety levelled up

And I hoped it was a one-time thing
But, weeks later, your lips were still drawn thin.
So I called you to find out what was wrong

And it was then that I saw that, to you, I was a chore
Between my family and you it was a game for keeping score
Well not any more

Had to make a quick decision
Gave my parents the wrong impression
Waited for you to arrive whilst trying to control my breath
Got in the car with your sister
Another journey like a slow-burn blister
Agonising on my own in the back seat
Scratching so I didn’t obsess

You talked like nothing was amiss
No signs you cared or knew I felt like shit
I thought you cared as much as I did

And then my anger surpassed all feelings I had
Asking myself again, counting slowly down from ten
Did you value or know I was feeling so low?
I don’t think so

Then we talked in your room for an hour or so
You made your points more clearly than before
My anger subsided and the fear came flooding back
I told you how I felt and the walls began to crack
Then I cried for the first time in almost seven years
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t hold back the tears
For half an hour at least

credits

from It's Probably Benign, released February 2, 2024

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Dog Eared Dundee, UK

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