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Phone Call

from It's Probably Benign by Dog Eared

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lyrics

Was on my sofa lighting matches to pass the time
Threw them in the sink to watch them burn and die
Took a breath, slapped my thighs and got up off my chair
Then sat back down remembering I had nowhere to go
And nowhere to be
Being unemployed then didn’t bother me
In my head it narrowed down the possibility of my fucking up another part of life

So I called my Mum in my mother-tongue
Got halfway through a sentence and forgot the word for happiness
Just one of the many things I felt slipping away
I hung up the phone
Decided I needed some more time alone
Like all the other hours in the day
That’s the closest I have been
To breaking off my teetotal tendencies
That I’ve stuck to for so long because I’m so sensible and so scared of what I would become

Am I angry?
Am I loyal?
Am I violent?
Am I joyful?
Am I happy?
I don’t know, maybe I should start srinking after all
Would it help me to forget I don’t belong where I once thought I’d found a place I knew and loved
The fact is, I will never be enough

I have learned from my mistakes but there’s only so many that I can make
If I wrote them all down, I’d have a PHD because my contributions in the field are quite unique

So now I browse the web and some TV shows
Desperately searching for a laugh that’s so intense it hurts in your abdomen
Because it’s so rare that you feel like that these days
And when that search fails, I retreat to bed to get my solid 5 hours of nothing more than cold sweats and freezing feet
At least the temperature is familiar along with dreich grey rain for half the year
I miss the blinding sun and the scene but I’m glad I’m here
In my basement with a garden that I wouldn’t hang a rag in, it’s a pity, you can see why people hate to love this city
So before that thought comes crashing into my 5 hours of nothing, I’ll return to contemplating if a drink would clear my mind

credits

from It's Probably Benign, released February 2, 2024

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